• Tuesday, 16 August 2011

    10 other things Raúl turned down today

    Today, Raúl declined Blackburn's chicken-propelled overtures and decided to remain with Schalke 04. What on earth possessed the man? Does he not know of the charms of that part of Lancashire?
    We reckon the man's a fool, but here are a list of ten other things Raúl turned down today.

    10. Poking his eyes in with a rusty nail.

    9. Having his balls removed by a blind butcher with a grudge against Spain.

    8. A chance to see an interpretive dance version of Women In Love starring Sam Allardyce and Luke Chadwick in the Oliver Reed and Alan Bates roles.

    7. Being buried alive.

    6. Having a live hand grenade shoved up his arse.

    5. Sideways.

    4. By someone with long fingernails.

    3. And little regard for personal hygiene.

    2. A move to Barcelona.

    1. A move to Burnley.

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