• Friday, 22 June 2012

    Greece v Germany: Euro cliché-watch

    It's Greece v Germany tonight. You may have heard that these countries are at the centre of an economic snafu that threatens the future of the European single currency. Headline writers around the world certainly have and have been predictably awful, overly hyperbolic and just plain baffling.

    Independent: Germany v Greece: A real Euro stress test
    The game also features in the paper's cartoon.
    Not the worst offender by any means

    Guardian: Greece said yes to the Euro - now they'll fight for the Euros
    Good grief that's laboured

    Also in cartoon form on the business pages:


    Daily Telegraph: A new Greek rescue plan to avoid defeat against Germany
    Or a tactical plan to win a game of football? Maybe?

    Daily Telegraph (again): Greece determined to overcome Germany and avoid winding-up order in quarter final
    Wow. The country gets shut down if they lose? High stakes indeed.

    FT: Greek footballers seek to sidestep politics
    They'd do a lot better if people didn't keep bringing it up

    Daily Mail: Greece focused on Germany rather than eurozone problems
    No shit! You mean Fernando Santos doesn't concentrate his team-talks around financial probity?

    Daily Mail (again): Merkel out to sink Greece again!
    Bold ploy by Loew to pick the German Chancellor. Probably still a better bet the Mario Gomez up top. Also, when else has she, personally, sunk Greece?

    Daily Mail (yet again): They should toss a drachma to start the match! Battle of the bailout looms
    Right. For starters, you start a game with a whistle not a coin toss. Secondly.... actually, forget it - it's the Daily Mail. Not worth the steam off your piss.

    BBC: Greece v Germany - the bail-out game
    What does that even mean?

    Reuters: Euro zone battle moves to the pitch as Germany play Greece
    It's not a battle, economically or footballingly

    Zee News: Germany v Greece: It's more than just a game
    It really isn't

    Irish Times: Germany to break Greeks
    Not entirely sure whether this is about football or not

    Belfast Telegraph: Germany and Greece braced for 'Debt Derby'
    At least you had the grace to put it in inverted commas

    News.com.au: Germany v Greece not about money
    Sound the obvious-stating klaxon

    Londonist: Austerity showdown
    Fuck off. Just fuck off

    NESN.com: Future of European Union at stake as Germany meet Greece in 'bailout game'
    We're pretty sure it isn't. In fact we checked - it's just a place in the semi-finals up for grabs

    Stuff.co.nz: Germany, Greece play down Euro crisis talk
    Well of course they do as it's got shit all to do with football. Sheesh

    Telegraph.com.au: Austerity drive to avoid a Greek crisis
    This really is about football. The 'austerity drive' is Joachim Loew saying you can't be gung-ho in the Euros and need to make sure your defence is tight. If it takes this much explaining, it just doesn't work

    Press of Atlantic City: Loew leaves politics to the politicians
    What? He was involved before? No he wasn't, so this is meaningless guff

    Der Spiegel: Germany and Greece take their fight outside
    Not you too Germany

    Deutsche Welle: Germany, Greece clash over Euro
    No. No they don't.

    Bild: Goodbye Greece. Today we won't be able to save you!
    We expected nothing else from these chaps

    San Francisco Chronicle: Greeks face German nemesis as bailout battle moves to soccer
    It doesn't though. It really doesn't

    Washington Post: Greece hopes for payback against Germany on Euro 2012 pitch
    Payback for what exactly?

    Wall Street Journal: Germany to kick Greece out of the Euro.... Championships?
    Ah ha haaa! We see what you did there!

    ABC.com: Political football
    Yeah, OK, that's not bad

    Boston.com: Greece seek to win Germany's respect at Euro 2012
    We reckon they'd rather win a game of football

    Bloomberg: Greece, Germany take Euro crisis to soccer pitch
    No they don't

    PBS NewsHour: At Euro 2012, Germany and Greece face off in battle of the Eurozone
    Yes, because these are the only nations with the shared currency

    Hollywood Reporter: Euro crisis to play out on TV screens Friday night
    They're showing some top level summit action instead of the football?

    Toronto Sun: Lenders v Borrowers at Euro 2012
    Borrowers? Don't fancy them at corners

    The Fiscal Times: Germany vs. Greece: Bailout battle plays out on pitch
    No. Football battle plays out on pitch. Bailout battle plays out in ballot boxes and EU/G8 summits

    Hamilton Spectator: Germany vs. Greece quarter-final match amid eurozone crisis could raise passions
    It could if there wasn't macro-economic chicanery afoot as well. What's your point?

    mg.co.za: Greece to take on Germany in ultimate grudge match
    We can think of several dozen more grudgier matches than this

    Daily News and Analysis (India): Germany vs Greece to be Euro grudge match?
    As a rule, if a newspaper headline asks a question, the answer is 'no'. Just as it is here.

    Straits Times (Singapore): It's Germany 8, Greece 0 even before kick-off
    No it isn't. In no sense whatsoever is it.

    The National (UAE): Greeks dream of Euro exit for Germany
    Actually, we'll give you that one

    Yahoo! Eurosport UK: You can bank on a Germany victory
    Classic punnery

    But it's not all insanity:

    Yahoo! Eurosport UK: Put Euro crisis aside say Greeks and Germans
    Sadly a plea that has summarily fallen on deaf ears - including their own, as evidenced above

    Businessweek: How soccer will decide Euro crisis (It won't)
    Hallelujah brother

    We've been updating this throughout the day, but for reasons of maintaining our sanity we're ending the madness here.

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