• Wednesday, 21 November 2012

    'Lack of moon on a stick' leads to Chelsea sacking

    Chelsea manager Roberto di Matteo was fired today for "not delivering the moon on a stick" according to the club.

    A statement released to reporters outlined that di Matteo's continued inability to attach a lollipop stick to the moon and deliver it to owner Roman Abramovich was the main reason behind the otherwise seemingly-ludicrous decision.

    "While we thank Mr di Matteo for delivering the Champions League and FA Cup last season", the statement read, "it's the fact that he's not managed to even make an impression on the owner's number one priority and that is to lick the moon like it was a massive lolly. This will be the priority for the next manager and we begin our search for an experienced applicator of sticks to celestial bodies today."

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