• Friday, 30 October 2015

    Steve Evans appoints his own third-person persona as assistant

    Following a dispiriting home defeat to Blackburn Rovers, new Leeds United boss Steve Evans moved quickly to bolster his backroom team, appointing his own third-person idiom as his assistant.

    Without a win since being mutually consented out of Rotherham, the convicted felon had been operating without an assistant. The home loss to struggling Blackburn forced him into action.

    "Steve Evans felt it was important for Steve Evans to get this situation resolved", the globulous fraud third-personned, "and after Steve Evans thought long and hard about what's best for Steve Evans, before realising that this Steve Evans character I keep referring to must be a decent shout to assist Steve Evans. Everything he knows, Steve Evans has taught him, so it should be a perfect fit."

    "Steve Evans's third-person persona is delighted with this", 27th-personned Steve Evans' third-person persona, reacting to the news. "This is an exciting chapter in the fledgling coaching career of Steve Evans' third-person persona."

    Responding to criticism that it's merely a cheap option, Evans explained how that was only superficially the case as he has a foolproof system of dual-contract, off-balance-sheet payments to avoid arousing the interest of HMRC.

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