Vilanova tears up playbook after Parkhead loss

After defeat to Celtic in the Champions League, despite his Barcelona team enjoying 89% of possession and dominating in most facets of the games, Tito Vilanova told reporters that this signalled an end to the Barcelona template that has served them so well over recent seasons.

Sion Saga Resolved

The long-running saga over FC Sion's expulsion from the Europa League - as detailed in our 'Glory nights return to Scottish football' article - has finally met a resolution at CAS, the upshot being that their spurious appeal was chucked out.

It's quite apt that it's taken exactly the same amount of time as the group stage to reach this conclusion, with a series of pointless exchanges in far-flung parts of Europe with little to no interest paid by the vast majority.
In some ways, it's something of a shame that they've lost as the Europa League is a farce anyway and trying to parachute Sion back in - and Celtic back out, presumably - would add a level of nonsense that would be hard to satirise. UEFA, should they have felt a rare need to be consistent, could have dropped them straight into the knockout phase without having earned the right to be there, just like they do with the unhappy losers from the Champions League.

But sense has, probably, reigned. Back in the day, Stuttgart were turfed out for a breach of player eligibility rules after knocking out Leeds, so UEFA are doing the right thing. Sion's action through the courts first and CAS second must have cost them a fair wedge and for what? It's said that any publicity is good publicity and we certainly know more about FC Sion than we did previously. While the whole sorry episode gave us a chance for a laugh at Scotland's expense earlier in the season, we find it difficult to see what else the Swiss club have achieved.

Glory nights return for Scotland

Scottish football had one of the greatest nights in it's history yesterday as Celtic put on a great performance to seal their place in the Europa League group stages at the expense of FC Sion of Switzerland.

This great moment came just a week after all Scottish involvement in Europe for the 2011/12 season looked to have come to an end, but a Celtic spokesman told the press that "this result is testament to the hard work and never-say-die attitude of everybody involved at the club from the highest paid player to the lowest paid cleaner". Special tribute had to be paid to the dedicated team of administrators behind the scenes who, according to the spokesman, "are among the best in the world at discovering maladministration on the part of others". He continued, saying "It's all part of the club's plan for European silverware. We already have a team of tax administrators and private detectives poring over Atlético Madrid, Stade Rennais and Udinese Calcio for any dirt that might help us get through what looks an otherwise tricky group. I mean, those Italians are bound to be up to something and Atléti must have some skeletons in the closet. And if there are, we'll find them."

"It was a classic Scottish line-up" said SFA spokesman Jock McStereotype. "Four nitpickers at the back, a line of four rule-sticklers in the middle and two big lads up front to tut a bit a point to the relevant paragraph in the operational rules. Ah, it was a joy to behold. Mark my words, September 2 2011 will go down in Scottish football history. It's up there with the Lisbon Lions, Dundee United beating Barcelona or Archie Gemmill's goal against the Dutch."

McStereotype wrapped up the press conference by saying "If you get things right in the back office, it lays a great platform for the players on the field. We've proved we're world class at pointing out other people's deficiencies, so that elusive place in the finals of a major tournament can only be months away" before leaving the venue swigging from a bottle of Buckfast, swearing at the English and singing 'we're on the march with Ally's Army'.