• Wednesday, 7 January 2015

    Exclusive: Shock change to FIFA leadership

    In a move set to stun the world of football, ruling body FIFA has today declared itself an Islamic caliphate.

    A source wishing to remain anonymous told Euroballs, "When Sepp Blatter saw what a public relations success becoming an Islamic caliphate had been for ISIS, it was only a matter of time before he took FIFA down the same route."

    Under the laws of the new caliphate, only true followers of the President - who has renamed himself Blattah Most Holy - will be allowed access. Those who oppose him - now referred to as "infidels" - will be hunted down and beheaded, although this is expected to be reduced to taking off the Christmas card list on appeal.

    One of the first casualties of the change is expected to be women's football. although as our source told us, "It won't make that much of a difference, because nobody at FIFA ever took it seriously anyway."

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