• Friday, 14 August 2015

    Mourinho wins mind-game with himself

    Long the master of the dark art of the mind game, Jose Mourinho has now beaten himself in a titanic battle of wills.

    With everyone else long since having got thoroughly sick of the self-appointed Special One's antics and long-time mental adversary Alex Ferguson settling well into retirement, the only challenge left to the Portuguese was to destroy himself with his awesome mind powers.

    Picking a fight with himself about nothing was a bold move, but winning that battle has left him in a much superior position for next time he faces his own team in a future clash, but scientists have warned that he faces oblivion should he continue.

    "If he keeps taking himself on in this manner", Professor of Mind Games at the University of The Third Age Dr Beardly Weirdy told us, "our advanced modelling shows he will eventually be reduced to a singularity, a speck of inwardly-looking vitriol. A bit like that photo on Back To The Future, he'll ebb away until there is no sign whatsoever of the enormous bell-end that started all this."

    Mourinho was readily available for comment, but refused to answer any questions relating to his impending doom.

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