Here are the Vague headlines:
BONG! Racists 2, Victims 0 in Cup.
BONG! Rivals slip up to hand Whites supremacy.
BONG! Loan striker's hat-trick seals massive derby win.
BONG! Ex-England boss still doing very well, thank you.
BONG! Blue and black stripey people lose for first time in ages.
BONG! Black and white stripey people keep on winning.
BONG! Top four in Europe's economic driver still covered by a single point.
BONG! Can small island club be one of the continent's form team? Corsi-can.
BONG! Blue Dragons lose to hand rivals intitiative.
BONG! Managers panic buy left, right and centre on deadline day.