Liverplol

Taking delight in the misfortunes of the once mighty Liverpool Football Club.

See also; Inverstanbul, Pardenfreude

Inverstanbul

To blow a 3-goal half-time lead when the most famous result of your modern history was overcoming a 3-goal half-time deficit.

see also Liverplol

Iceman

Nickname for any Scandiavian/Finnish/Icelandic player ever. BECAUSE IT'S COLD or something.

Palermo manager's tenure

descriptive of an infinitesimally short amount of time, e.g. the lifespan of mayfly, the blinking of an eye

Pardenfreude

noun. Taking pleasure in the downfall of an utter chancer of a manager who would throw his own mother under a bus rather than admit their own shortcomings. Because they're a thigh-slapping Proper Football Man innit Jeff and what do those foreigns know about anything anyway eh? EH?

Sprake

verb.
Of a goalkeeper, to throw one into his own net, preferably in comedic fashion.
"Poor Danny Ward. Great start at Town, pulled off a blinder against Wolves, then Spraked one in at the Amex"

Roger Johnson

1. n. The ability to start a fight with one's own reflection.

2. v. A person who habitually falls out with those who are preternaturally disposed to be on the same side as them. "And Judas did kiss Jesus on both cheeks, betraying him to the Romans and Jesus was taken away. And John, who was with Jesus, did say 'You fucking Roger Johnsonned that Judas, you massive prick'" - Bible 2, author unknown

Tricky

1. Descriptive of a pitch more akin to growing potatoes than playing football on. See Bloomfield Road.

2. Adjective by which all left-wingers must be described under paragraph 4.3a of the journalistic code.

3. The sort of artist whose music is never played in a dressing room and fans of which among playing staff are either shunned or referred to as 'The Professor'.

4-4-2

The safe, unadventurous, mundane, straightforward option.

"See anything you fancy, love?"
"All this fancy dan foreign grub innit. Garcon, I'm going 4-4-2. Give us a meat feast pizza"

Uruguay's front 3

Something that looks flashy, but rarely, if ever, lives up to the expectation. Named for the triumvirate of Luis Suarez, Edinson Cavani and Ezequiel Lavezzi. See a team-sheet with that on and you think "tasty", but in action are often left a bit let down.

"Wayne Rooney's hair-piece is a bit Uruguay's front 3. Bet it looked ace in the catalogue, but he just looks like a mouldy potato with it on his scalp"


Expert cross from @DavidHartrick

Kinnear

verb. To be put into a job which you are in no way suited to, capable of or required to do.

"He fell asleep in the interview, dribbled onto his suit and his CV was written on the back of a bus ticket. I don't think he's an accountant at all. He's been Kinneared into that job and now he's my bloody boss".

Abramovich

Verb, indicating great wastefulness in the face of minor disappointment. Like throwing your 50" plasma screen TV away because two consecutive shows you watched weren't very good and replacing it with an incredibly similar 50" plasma screen TV.

"Went for a drive in the Aston, but didn't like where I ended up, so I Abramoviched it over a cliff and bought a new one"

Espinoza

Noun. Spanish word with no direct English translation. Roughly equivalent to 'silky operator who guides operations from central area with dazzling passing and crunching tackles'.

Alternative spelling: espinosa

See also Espinoza, Roger; Espinosa, Javier

Shoot-out, Penalty

Method of deciding tied games in tournaments that left-footers and/or Dutch players should be barred from taking part in.

Left-footer

Type of player who should never be allowed to take a penalty (see also Robben, Arjen; Smith, Kelly; Sturridge, Daniel; Young, Ashley)

Brainless

When you get sent off, after coming on as a substitute, for being booked twice in the space of ten seconds.

Stand up, Jeremain Lens of PSV Eindhoven who acheived this in his sides 1-0 victory over NAC Breda on Sunday. Booked needlessly for kicking the ball away after conceding a free kick, Lens then compounds this by not retreating ten yards from the resulting free kick and he's promptly shown a second yellow and dismissed by referee Bas Nijhuis.

The fun and games being in this video about 4 minutes and 30 seconds in.

We also recognise and acknowledge the KNVB as the rights holder in this video.

Balotelli, Mario

Italian performance artist currently working on a long-term installation piece based in Manchester. Previously the house artist of a major gallery in Milan.

ben Arfa, Hatem

French winger of Tunisian heritage. Known to Alan Shearer as "who?".

Them things

What a player claims not to have said after publicly falling out with chairman/manager/team-mates, often adding in that they'd been mistranslated from an article written in their mother tongue.

Anzhi Makhachkala

Latest entrants into the world dick-swinging league. Pay their players the entire GDP of Dagestan on a weekly basis.