In his Autumn Statement today, QPR's Chancellor of the Exchequer Harry Redknapp set out to determine his commitment to eliminating the points deficit to the rest of the Premier League by 2019.
Redknapp was appointed Chancellor in 2012 on the back of a plan to engineer a points surplus by the end of his first term. Independent analysts estimate that he underperformed against this measure by 15 points in that year despite colossal investment. However, despite some negative numbers and horrific forecasts, Redknapp continued to sound upbeat as he delivered his address.
"Yeah, we can get outta this", he told the House. "I'm just three or four short and Adel Taarabt needs to lose a bit of weight". This simplistic reduction in the severity of the problems facing Redknapp was laughed off by the opposition as Tal Ben Haim readied himself for a call-up to the Treasury in what is expected to be a busy January reshuffle that critics expect to cost another £100m.