4-4-2

The safe, unadventurous, mundane, straightforward option.

"See anything you fancy, love?"
"All this fancy dan foreign grub innit. Garcon, I'm going 4-4-2. Give us a meat feast pizza"

Uruguay's front 3

Something that looks flashy, but rarely, if ever, lives up to the expectation. Named for the triumvirate of Luis Suarez, Edinson Cavani and Ezequiel Lavezzi. See a team-sheet with that on and you think "tasty", but in action are often left a bit let down.

"Wayne Rooney's hair-piece is a bit Uruguay's front 3. Bet it looked ace in the catalogue, but he just looks like a mouldy potato with it on his scalp"


Expert cross from @DavidHartrick

Kinnear

verb. To be put into a job which you are in no way suited to, capable of or required to do.

"He fell asleep in the interview, dribbled onto his suit and his CV was written on the back of a bus ticket. I don't think he's an accountant at all. He's been Kinneared into that job and now he's my bloody boss".

'Ban headers' call after near-fatality

Health campaigner Alex Ferguson called for a blanket ban on headers in football after an horrific near-fatality in Swansea yesterday.

EXCLUSIVE: Harry Redknapp's January transfer list

One of our spies was at Loftus Road yesterday and walked past an open office door. Spotting an open notebook, he bravely and quickly took a photograph. Only on returning to the Euroballs office did we realise what he'd captured.

Cut-out-and-keep article for top-flight managerial changes

A multi-millionaire owner of a football club today fired the millionaire manager he'd put in charge of the squad of millionaire players.

Abramovich

Verb, indicating great wastefulness in the face of minor disappointment. Like throwing your 50" plasma screen TV away because two consecutive shows you watched weren't very good and replacing it with an incredibly similar 50" plasma screen TV.

"Went for a drive in the Aston, but didn't like where I ended up, so I Abramoviched it over a cliff and bought a new one"

'Lack of moon on a stick' leads to Chelsea sacking

Chelsea manager Roberto di Matteo was fired today for "not delivering the moon on a stick" according to the club.

Vilanova tears up playbook after Parkhead loss

After defeat to Celtic in the Champions League, despite his Barcelona team enjoying 89% of possession and dominating in most facets of the games, Tito Vilanova told reporters that this signalled an end to the Barcelona template that has served them so well over recent seasons.

Referee rages at Mancini after City denied late leveller

Referee Peter Rasmussen pointed the finger at Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini after their Champions League draw with Ajax.