Tricky

1. Descriptive of a pitch more akin to growing potatoes than playing football on. See Bloomfield Road.

2. Adjective by which all left-wingers must be described under paragraph 4.3a of the journalistic code.

3. The sort of artist whose music is never played in a dressing room and fans of which among playing staff are either shunned or referred to as 'The Professor'.

Balotelli fined and banned for Lad Bible retweet

Mario Balotelli will sit out this weekend's game between Liverpool and Arsenal after being found guilty of retweeting something unfunny and racist by the unfunny and racist Lad Bible twitter account.

Liverpool crisis averted with convincing win over much smaller team

The crisis surrounding Liverpool FC was last night averted as they put a club with a squad value of just 5% of their own to the sword in the League Cup quarter-final.

Insanity embargo for three Championship clubs

Three Championship clubs have been banned from acting in an insane manner during the upcoming January transfer window.

Arsenal midfielder makes scientific breakthrough

"Give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, and eventually one will produce the works of Shakespeare."

BBC to begin build-up to 2015/16 third round draw in May

The BBC have revealed to Euroballs that the build-up to next season's draw for the third round of the FA Cup is to begin this coming May, during half-time in this season's Cup final.

England DNA found to have faulty gene

The recently discovered England DNA has been found to have an enormous flaw in it, scientists at St George's Park revealed today.

Redknapp promises to eliminate deficit by 2019

In his Autumn Statement today, QPR's Chancellor of the Exchequer Harry Redknapp set out to determine his commitment to eliminating the points deficit to the rest of the Premier League by 2019.