Liverplol

Taking delight in the misfortunes of the once mighty Liverpool Football Club.

See also; Inverstanbul, Pardenfreude

Inverstanbul

To blow a 3-goal half-time lead when the most famous result of your modern history was overcoming a 3-goal half-time deficit.

see also Liverplol

Iceman

Nickname for any Scandiavian/Finnish/Icelandic player ever. BECAUSE IT'S COLD or something.

EFL to fine Blackburn for understrength manager

The EFL today requested a response from Blackburn as to why they employed an understrength manager for the first 37 matches of the league season.

Palermo manager's tenure

descriptive of an infinitesimally short amount of time, e.g. the lifespan of mayfly, the blinking of an eye

Pardenfreude

noun. Taking pleasure in the downfall of an utter chancer of a manager who would throw his own mother under a bus rather than admit their own shortcomings. Because they're a thigh-slapping Proper Football Man innit Jeff and what do those foreigns know about anything anyway eh? EH?

Sprake

verb.
Of a goalkeeper, to throw one into his own net, preferably in comedic fashion.
"Poor Danny Ward. Great start at Town, pulled off a blinder against Wolves, then Spraked one in at the Amex"

Roger Johnson

1. n. The ability to start a fight with one's own reflection.

2. v. A person who habitually falls out with those who are preternaturally disposed to be on the same side as them. "And Judas did kiss Jesus on both cheeks, betraying him to the Romans and Jesus was taken away. And John, who was with Jesus, did say 'You fucking Roger Johnsonned that Judas, you massive prick'" - Bible 2, author unknown

Farewell to the Boleyn

In keeping with media tradition, let's reminisce about the demise of an old stadium, just like we've never done for all the other ones.

Nobody from this organisation ever went to either Upton Park or the Boleyn Ground, but it looked and sounded like a lot of other old football grounds. And that, we think, says it all.

Steve Evans appoints his own third-person persona as assistant

Following a dispiriting home defeat to Blackburn Rovers, new Leeds United boss Steve Evans moved quickly to bolster his backroom team, appointing his own third-person idiom as his assistant.

Global transfer market to be replaced by Chelsea loans

Wide-ranging reform to the global transfer system in football has been proposed in a white paper which outlines a replacement system by which players can only move from club to club via Chelsea loaning them out.

Mourinho wins mind-game with himself

Long the master of the dark art of the mind game, Jose Mourinho has now beaten himself in a titanic battle of wills.

48% of fantasy teams binned off after week one

Organisers of fantasy football league competitions are reporting record number of teams being binned off after the opening weekend of the Premier League, with some sites reporting levels of up to 48% of teams abandoned within moments of the final whistle at the 3pm Saturday games.

Player moves to different club; nation goes fucking mental

The nation went fucking mental today as a player who had long since signed a contract to move to another club is about to take up that contract.

Evans charged by FA, issues denial

Manchester United "defender" Jonny Evans has been charged by the FA after appearing to spit at Newcastle's Papiss Demba Cisse. The Northern Ireland international has however denied the offence.

Two grown adults claim the other one started it

An ugly incident at last night's Newcastle v Manchester United fixture saw grown adults Papiss Cissé and Jonny Evans both claim that the other one started it and it wasn't fair.

GOSSIP: Big club eyes Southampton player

Today's review of the top transfer gossip centres on a big club chasing a player from Southampton. A fee of more money than anyone can realistically spend in a lifetime is thought to be offered.

Sky beat BT in pissing-up-a-wall competition

Sky television today celebrated victory in the Premier League how-high-can-you-piss competition with arch-rivals BT only able to piss one-quarter as high.

New Arsenal signing expected to make debut injury

Arsenal are set to complete the signing of 17-year old Polish midfielder Krystian Bielik and give him a debut injury shortly after the paperwork is complete.

Hodgson controversy over picking three great players for Ballon d'Or

England manager Roy Hodgson attracted enormous levels of ridicule and opprobrium yesterday as it was revealed that his three votes for the Ballon d'Or went to three really good players who each had a fantastic World Cup last summer.